Always Find the Strength to Trust Love...One More Time

  I promised myself as a child that I would only get married once.  That I would only ever be with one man....THE man who was destined to be with me for the entirety of my life.  I also promised myself that if the man I chose turned out to be the WRONG man, I would suck it up, work it out, and make it happen.  It turns out, that A. life is messy, and B. being intrinsically unhappy after making a poor choice in life partner is a lot more difficult in practice than in theory.

  I've been married twice.  I've been divorced twice.  I'm newly engaged to an incredible man.  A man who knows every bit of my soul, who "gets" me, who is not afraid of my past or the ghosts that sometimes haunt me, and most importantly, a man of God.  This was my "A-HA!" moment.  THIS is the thing that was missing the other two times around.  I had convinced myself that having a life partner with a different belief system than that of my own was not a big deal.  We had things in common, we cared deeply about one another, we enjoyed each other.....we didn't have to agree on God....right?  WAY. WRONG.  Without God, where does one lean when life gets hard?  Whom does one go to for comfort when life gets scary? A husband? A wife? Yes.....but, what if your husband or your wife is dealing with his/her own ugly, scary, or difficult?  What if you both need a safe place to fall?  What if you're so caught up in your own messy brain that you are simply incapable of being the rock your spouse needs at that time? 

   I thought that my faith was good enough and strong enough for me and anyone else I needed it for.  I sustained two marriages ALONE; and obviously, not for very long.  I grew tired, and overwhelmed, I began to feel unappreciated and used.  In the end, both situations became physically, emotionally, and/or financially abusive.   None of that had anything to do with the strength of my faith.  I could have stayed in either situation, and I could have kept my promise to myself, but I'd have been doing myself a huge disservice.  God had a man in mind for me.  My job was to wait for him....and if I've failed, my failure was in rushing to marry men who were never intended for me in the first place.  I allowed sadness, fear, and the desire for a family to make my decisions rather than my heart and my God.

   The take away points I think are:  It IS important to keep promises made to yourself.
                                                          It is also ok to break them if they don't line up with God's plan.
                                                          A relationship with God IS the most important one.
                                                           It's ok if your life is a little messy.

                                                                                               Keep Smiling, and God Bless!